âI mean honestly, Iâm embarrassed for sure. Iâm trying to push it in the back of my mind so Iâm really not thinking about it. I know thatâs not healthy. But Iâve been doing that since a child, even like stuff with himâŠItâs definitely been going on since about 14 or 15. Itâs not like I could have said no. I couldnât have said no.â